I’m irritable when I’m tired. I’m impatient when I’m hungry. Loud noises, bad smells, and big crowds can wear me down. But I made it through loud holiday celebrations, crowded airports, and a kind lady sitting next to me on a plane that continued to pass gas throughout the flight. Haha! (True story.) Though I’m an extrovert, I require downtime and function best in calm and quiet surroundings. A friend once asked if I was a “highly sensitive person,” and I think in many aspects I am. I’ve trained myself to worry less about what people think and to be less reactive, but I am still able to relate to what others may be going through.
I’ve dated jerks. (Yup, I said it! haha) I’ve gotten bad grades. I’ve been rude (especially when hungry), and regretted it. I’ve gotten into fights…argued for no reason…and stayed in toxic situations when I should have been gone. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve worried uselessly. I’ve apologized profusely. And I’ve cried needlessly (especially over the aforementioned jerks haha!).
But I am so thankful in this moment because I have gotten over all that!
Self blame, guilt, regret, and worrying are all poisons that rob you of your peace. They are weights that hold you down and keep you from moving forward. We simply cannot change the past. And I consider myself extremely fortunate to have friends and family that love me in spite of it all. I’m so lucky to have sisters who will tell me when I need to eat…and parents who give me endless passes when I’m tired. And above all, the connection that I feel to God (Creator, the Source, Universe, Allah, or whatever feels right to you) reminds me that I am unconditionally loved and accepted despite it all.
In the grand scheme of life, there really are no mistakes. I believe that we make the best decisions we can at the time with the information we have. And when we know better, we do better. This wisdom can only come from experience.
This post was inspired by the following quote from Simone Weil, and I hope that you’ll reflect on it and most of all, forgive yourself:
Compassion directed toward oneself is true humility.
In this life that we have, we get to choose the type of experience we want to have. We can suffer under the weight of self blame and worrying, or we can fly by letting it all go. Your choice ;)
Namaste.
Photo source: Morning Sun over Niagara Falls by Gerhard Hagen