I have a good friend who often says “there is pride before every fall.” I appreciate these words and certain situations call them to mind. As with most words of this kind, I like to visit the dictionary first: pride [prahyd] noun: A high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as – Read More –
DEAR SAGE: I love your website! Your content is inspiring and I appreciate what you do, but I’m going to be blunt: I hate my life! I want to quit my job, but I’m scared to lose the money and don’t know what else I would do. I want to lose weight, but I’m scared to go to the gym because people may laugh at me. I want a new car because I hate the old one I have now, but I can’t afford it. I want to have a husband, but I don’t think anyone would love me. Should I just take a vacation…will that help me??!!! Help me please!
DEAR UNHAPPY ONE: Thank you for your support of the site (given the complex nature of your question, I’m going to include lots of links to other SelenaSage articles that give extra insight)! I looooove your the honesty of your question (I can bet you that each part of your question will resonate with someone else) and we’re going to see how we can work on this for you! But, first, let’s take a deep breath… With this breath we’re going to try something different…as you’re inhaling through your nose, I want you to breathe in all of the problems of the world…hate, violence, poverty, despair. And as you exhale through your mouth, I want you to breathe out your love, compassion, and kindness. Just think of those things as you breathe, then close your eyes and repeat five times. Just like that, you’ve shared your love with the world!
Now that we have a clean slate and have anchored ourselves in the present, let’s get to your inquiry. I can tell you that the first thing I noticed about your question is the number of times you used, “I” and “want”. Though a discussion of this was probably best summed up in my I WANT… post, I can tell you that your Ego is running the show right now! Your Ego is that part of you that is constantly telling you that what you haven’t isn’t good enough and always wants more. One of my favorite quotes my the Taoist master Lao-tzu is, “Only those who know when enough is enough will ever have enough.” Right now, you are not content…you don’t think that you have enough, so your basis is flawed. Even if you got everything you’re asking for, I can tell you that you still would not be satisfied. How do I know this? It is because everything you now have is something that you once hoped for, but still you are not happy. So let’s break down your list:
You say, “I hate my life!” So let me ask you, what is your “life” to you? By your question, it seems that your life is your job, your car, your body, and your hopes for a husband? Let me first challenge that. For one second, close your eyes and place your hand over your heart. Do you feel your heart beat? When you inhale through your nose, do you feel the air moving into your body? That, my dear, is life. All of those other things are material trappings. They have nothing to do with who you really are. And who are you? You are a child of the Creator of the universe…does your car really matter? If you talk to a bird in nature, does the color of their nest really matter? Everything external can be changed, it is the internal…the spirit that really matters. So if you really hate the divine spirit inside of you, you must practice looking inward much more. I think that once you see your own true glow, you will find this to be the most beautiful thing ever :)
So with this understanding, I hope that the perceived importance of your other questions has paled. However, I want to address them anyway. First, you say you want to quit your job. I have a future post coming about “Comparison versus Contentment”, but because you’re an avid reader, I’m going to give you a sneak peak into the content :) Many would tell you to be happy that you have a job because many people do not…but this is comparison. As long as you have more than someone else, you will be happy…but as soon as you find someone who has more than you, you will no longer be happy. So this is flawed. Contentment comes a sincere appreciation for what you have.
As I was looking for cool art today, I got sucked into the amazing world of Roy Lichtenstein. But before I caption this piece, I’m going to give you insight into my routine for selecting content :)
My process in selecting material for the website is a process ha! I often have a concept in mind and look for the perfect image to portray it…or I have nothing in mind and search images for inspiration. Today fell into the latter category. While searching, I usually have music playing in the background…
And just as I was studying the featured piece by Roy (Girl In Mirror), I was listening to Bad Habits by Maxwell. My brain caught fire when he started singing, “Girl there’s no one as bad, no one as bad as you” around the 2:07 mark of the song. So naturally, I had to go with this image! ;) Now for my caption:
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I love the image of starting your morning by grabbing a mirror and saying into it, “There’s no one as bad as YOU!” ha! I love it :) Some may view this as narcissism, but I see it as self-love. (The fine line here is not taking that self-confidence and turning it into feelings of superiority. Once you believe you are better than others, you are lost. Understanding that you can love yourself and appreciate the beauty in others is key. No one is better or worse than anyone else…we are all unique and wonderful emanations of the Creator :)
If you don’t love yourself, who will? (If you don’t love yourself, you won’t even believe that love from others is real or true!) Loving yourself as you are and being content with what you have is so critical for happiness.
If you always defer your self-acceptance until something changes [e.g. I’ll love my body when I lose 10 pounds], you will never be satisfied. When you reach that goal, you’ll find a new one [e.g. I’ll love my body when my face clears or after I have that enhancement surgery]. This is the Ego at work…and it’s happiest when you’re constantly chasing new goals instead of having an appreciation for where you are and what you have.
Things will always change. Being grounded in the now and loving yourself as you are right now is all that you need to work on building your self-confidence and self-love. And honestly, there’s no one as bad as you! ;)
You don’t have to let what others say affect you negatively. Others may say the words, but you choose your attitude. Affirmation to say out loud: The only power that criticism has is the power I give it; therefore, I choose to ignore the critics. What others say about me is none of my business. – Read More –
“What do you really want to do? DO THAT…forget the money. If you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you will spend your life completely wasting your time. You will be doing things you don’t like doing in order to go on living…that is to go on doing things you don’t like – Read More –
“Who’s to say what’s impossible and can’t be found?” It is so important to understand those things in life that thrill you! Finding your fun and going out and doing it is where joy is found. Even better, when you can find a way to do what you love for a living, it won’t feel like work! So, – Read More –