DEAR SAGE: I really appreciate your inspirational posts…and I know that you don’t deal strictly with relationships, but I have a love question. I’m desperately seeking my Prince Charming and the fairy-tale marriage and children but it never seems to work out right! What do I need to do to get it right?! Please help.
DEAR SEEKING-PRINCE-CHARMING: Thank you for your support of the site! And I love your question! I would actually say that love is really at the heart of all of my posts! Whether it’s love for oneself or others, the message is always intended to be about love, for that is what really matters most. With that being said, I probably have not addressed romantic relationships very directly, so I am happy for your question! Now you get a chance to see how I really feel! ;)
Essentially, I believe that a person accepts the love they think they deserve. So the first step is to love yourself as much as possible (I mean this in a non-arrogant way). In that way, the love you have spills over and you want to share it with others and you will not accept being mistreated. Loving yourself manifests itself through increased confidence, a happy disposition, acknowledging and appreciating others, and acts of service (I always recommend volunteering! 1 hour per week can change your life more positively than the person you are helping!) You will enjoy the beauty of nature more and have a deeper connection with art, music, and poetry. Your life will take on a new flavor when you increase your love for yourself…and you will begin seeing others as holy and beautiful manifestations of the Creator, who are all worthy of love (indeed, many suffer needlessly because a perceived lack of love that is actually always present!).
Now as wonderful as this sounds, it can create challenges when it comes to identifying Prince Charming! By giving love in abundance, you will be given love in abundance. Therefore, you must discern compatibility more carefully. Understanding that every great guy you meet is not necessarily meant to be your husband is important…it’s okay to have great guy friends! You must raise the level of your standards so that you are choosing to spend your time with the kind of guy that you would want and trust to raise a family with in the future. I happen to be a fan of stylish heels and I’ll share with you a bit of “girlfriend” advice I’ve given my friends: keep your heels and standards high!
It’s difficult in this day and age, but it’s important to take your time and really get to know the person. Though the initial dates can be great fun, there is a big difference between three dates and what you will learn about the person in three to six months and beyond! I don’t know if there’s any magic formula about time, but the more you can spend with the person and get to know them before committing, the better! That way you are more sure about the kind of person you are getting involved with.
When you are living a life of love…and living a life you love…I feel sure that the right love will find you without you having to do anything but be yourself! But you have to be available for that love! If the relationship turns out to not be right for you, I hope that you will have the courage to love yourself enough to move on (remember, you don’t have to — and should not — accept a relationship that is harming you!), knowing that the real Prince Charming is out there looking for you too! All of the time, until the point of meeting each other, is spent preparing you both for each other…so don’t despair! Things really do happen for a reason even if you can’t yet understand it. (Keep in mind that God could be preparing you for something better or keeping you from something worse!)
YOU are a beautiful, intelligent and completely unique emanation of the Creator! YOU have been blessed with a tremendous capacity for love! Past relationships were for learning and are best left in the past. You can’t change the past and should not blame yourself, so remove that weight and free yourself to move on and accept the wonderful love you deserve! I’ll be looking out for the future wedding invite ;)
Love and light,