May 5, 2013

HOW COME, HOW LONG

“Any kind of abuse, God knows, is a crime. She won’t have a second try…open up your heart, as well as your eyes.”

On the topic of gender violence, I could not stop myself from sharing this other very important song/video. I want to point out that saying something can mean a simple 911 call if you are witness to a violent situation. Please have the courage to be a leader in the face of situations that may be outside of your control…you may save a life in the process.

I am always reminded of a story I learned in Social Psychology about Kitty Genovese…it is the unfortunate true story of a woman who was stabbed to death in New York in 1964 in front of an apartment building. She screamed for help and there were apparently thirty-eight witnesses. The unbelievable tragedy is that none of the 38 witnesses called the police!  This type of thing really does happen, so please do not hesitate to call 911…even if you think someone is already doing it!

Thank you!

May 5, 2013

BE A LEADER IN THE FIGHT AGAINST GENDER VIOLENCE

I do not believe there are any accidents. Just after I made the last post about self-love in the face of an abusive situation, I viewed this video shared by a friend (Thanks, N!). It is a BRILLIANT discussion about gender violence and how it does not just effect women…it effects everyone, men included.

Jackson Katz discusses how much of gender violence efforts become a discussion of victim behaviors; he then encourages everyone to move from victim blaming to eliminating violence on the side of the perpetrators…an excellent, yet often ignored, paradigm shift. Katz encourages leadership training…not sensitivity training to eliminate the “bystander effect” of having those around who see/hear something but do/say nothing.

Similar to the caution signs at the airport: If you see something, say something! Everyone can play a part to stop gender violence through standing up for what is right and refusing to stay silent and inactive when faced with the attitudes and behaviors of a potential perpetrator.

In the talk, Katz includes an important quote from Martin Luther King Jr., “In the end, what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

This cause is so near to my heart, and it is the reason for this site’s support of the 1736 Family Crisis Center organization, which seeks to prevent and support victims of abuse — especially children. I urge you to consider donating to this cause (although I alternate between providing donations to different organizations, you can always specify which organization on the list you would like to donate by clicking the + sign next to “Add a special note to Selena Sage” before you confirm your donation…thank you!).

Thank you for taking the time to watch this important video, and even more for taking a stand and being a leader against gender violence and giving back to organizations that work to support victims and work toward eliminating this issue altogether! Be the change!

May 5, 2013

DON’T STOP LOVING YOURSELF

Last night, I received a call from a friend who is also a supporter of the site (thank you!). She asked me an important question, “Selena…you write a lot of great content about having control over yourself regardless of what other people do. I’m in a relationship that doesn’t make me happy, where I am being emotionally abused, does that mean I should be stronger and stay in it so I don’t let what he says effect me?”

I’m so happy that we had the conversation and I wanted to share my response…and dedicate this song to that friend. I told her that even though having control of oneself is of paramount importance, to quote Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Be not deceived, evil companions corrupt good morals.” I am a firm believer of helping those you can and distancing yourself from those who seek to do you harm. Those people (who seek to harm you) need help, and you may not be the person to help them…they have to recognize and seek help for themselves.

There is no wisdom in consistently spending time with someone who continues to try to bring you down. Unfortunately that person can have the effect of bringing you down through the sheer overwhelming force of their negative energy, persistence, and bad habits. So I encourage anyone in an abusive situation (emotional, physical, and/or spiritual) to recognize their ability to freely leave and build a more positive life for themselves. That is true self-love. And it is only through loving yourself that you are able to love others. In having the courage to value yourself enough to leave an abusive situation, life will reward you with more love than you thought possible…that can only come when you love yourself.

“You don’t have to stay with someone who makes you cry…you’ll end up killing all the love you have inside. You deserve so much more than you receive…don’t hold on to your pain, just let it go.”

I appreciate Boyz II Men for creating this beautiful song!

May 4, 2013

ONE THING AT A TIME

“He did each single thing as if he did nothing else.” – Charles Dickens

So often in life, we get pulled in multiple directions. Or we allow our mind to wander and run through old events that don’t matter anymore or future events that are just an illusion. I appreciate this quote from Dickens because to be truly measured and stable is to focus on one thing at a time in the present moment. So if you are washing the dishes, really wash the dishes. If you are reading, pay attention to what you are reading. If you are with another, be fully present. There is a Zen story about attaining true awareness:

After ten years of apprenticeship, Tenno achieved the rank of Zen teacher. One rainy day, he went to visit the famous master Nan-in. When he walked in, the master greeted him with a question, “Did you leave your wooden clogs and umbrella on the porch?”

“Yes,” Tenno replied.

“Tell me,” the master continued, “did you place your umbrella to the left of your shoes, or to the right?”

Tenno did not know the answer, and realized that he had not yet attained full awareness. So he became Nan-in’s apprentice and studied under him for ten more years.

—

Being fully aware as you do what needs to be done will eliminate so many of your concerns and distractions. Becoming more meditative and still in the moments you have nothing to do will help you to achieve and maintain a more peaceful disposition. When you avoid allowing scattered attention, thoughts and emotions to disrupt your peace, you will feel lighter (for all of those things are forms of baggage that will weigh you down!). Truly living in the moment and addressing one single thing at a time is the key to removing that burden.

Photo source: in the moment

May 3, 2013

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT WORRY

“Worry is a story that we create inside that is then used to create fear… So don’t worry, the story you create may never happen.” -Sister Shivani

I was just introduced to Sister Shivani today (thanks Auntie!). This is a wonderful video about the futility of worrying…it just depletes your energy. It is much better to live in the moment with positive thoughts and deal with things as they come :)

May 3, 2013

I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH

I

Have

Learned

So much from God

That I can no longer

Call

Myself

A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim,

A Buddhist, a Jew.

The Truth has shared so much of Itself

With me

That I can no longer call myself

A man, a woman, an angel,

Or even pure

Soul.

Love has

Befriended Hafiz so completely

It has turned to ash

And freed

Me

Of every concept and image

My mind has ever known.

Poetry by Hafiz

Photo source: free (Pony in Iceland away from eruption of Eyjafjallafökull volcano in 2010)

May 2, 2013

SHIFTING THE LEVEL OF YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS

As I considered more the concept of watching your thoughts, I wanted to communicate a more simplified process. What I came up with is the idea of shifting the level of your consciousness. And here’s the simple process for you to try:

Start by closing your eyes focusing all of your attention on your feet…feel the pulse beating in your feet and any other sensations. Next move your attention up to your stomach and identify the pulse…you can expand or contract your stomach to feel the muscles there. If you then move your attention to your mind, you can start focusing your attention on all of the thoughts you have there, the list of things you need to do, your worries, fears, anxieties live in that space. However, when you move your attention above your head (often, my eyes move up when I do this, even while closed), your consciousness moves above your head and you are able to look down on your whole body and become separate from those thoughts.

Shifting your consciousness simply means moving to a space other than your mind.  I believe watching your thoughts can be done from above most effectively, but you can successfully do this from various vantage points. Although you may not have control over the thoughts that come to your mind, you will recognize that you have control over what you do with those thoughts. I encourage you to give it a try and hope that it will help to bring you peace :)

Photo source: going up! :)  (Ecuador)

May 2, 2013

WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS

I am so intrigued by the concept of watching your thoughts because I truly believe it is the path to peace. I always find this difficult to describe in words, but it’s the process of stepping back outside of yourself and looking down onto your mind.  You watch your thoughts go by without getting attached to them. You stop becoming so reactive to your fears (one of my favorite definitions for the word being: false expectations appearing real) and stop reacting so forcefully during those moments when you replay or process someone else’s words or actions as being disrespectful (especially if you feel that immediate increase in your heart rate!)…and you stop believing everything you think.

When you watch your thoughts, you don’t judge  or attach yourself to those worries, angers, or desires that keep coming up. You simply watch and, in doing so, take away the mind’s control over all of your feelings and emotions. You operate from a stronger place…from your true Self…your center…and you stop the constant waves of emotion and turmoil that you often allow your mind to create. Because your thoughts trigger your emotions which often manifest physically, when you cut off your thoughts from the start, you interrupt the entire ripple effect.

We don’t even realize how similar we can be to that person that seems “crazy” walking down the street talking to themselves about a bunch of random topics that don’t seem to make any sense. From the news, to the baseball game, to their sibling, to the weather, to dinner, to their job, to a financial fear, to a material desire, and on and on. Often, we are doing the same thing, only it happens in our minds and we are just not saying every unconnected thought out loud. What I’m talking about here is stopping that unproductive chatter by paying less attention to everything you’re thinking.

When you watch your thoughts, you remove the focus on each individual thought that comes up in your mind. You allow your mind to become unfocused and blurry…you know that you’re thinking things but you can’t seem to focus on any one thing. It takes time and practice, but eventually you reach a place of silence. It is a pretty amazing thing because you can literally take control of yourself by simply watching your thoughts…by not attaching yourself or your energy to any single thought. It is a way of being in flow and realizing that things come to us when we do what is natural…our thoughts about a thing really didn’t create it. It was only through action..or really non-action (doing things so naturally as if we really did not do anything…like breathing!)…that everything came to pass. There was never anything to worry about or fear…and any time or energy spent with those negative emotions was wasted. So we find peace by training ourselves to take our thoughts less seriously.

In matters of the mind, I always love to reference Osho. He explains it this way:

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